Yinka, Where Is Your Huzband? - Lizzie Damilola Blackburn

SHORT REVIEW

The book centres on Yinka’s husband...or lack thereof. In a situation where everyone around her is getting married, asking about her marriage plans or praying for her to find a husband, Yinka’s laidback attitude is switched out for a harried search for ‘the one’. The hunt is anything but simple. It forces her to have some hard conversations; reflect on feelings and thoughts she didn't even know she had and most important of all discover herself and what she wants.

Other topics covered include friendship dynamics, faith & religion, culture and much more. If you're looking for a fast, emotional, funny and insightful read then you should pick this up.

MY FOCUS: YINKA’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOTHER

Like most daughters, Yinka has a complex relationship with her mother. They love each other of course; they're family after all but there's a strain. Her mother is glad that she has a good job but why isn’t she married? There’s always a but. Whether it's the way she wears her hair or the church she goes to or even the food she cooks, there is always an area of dissatisfaction.

 And to me, this is the plight of the African daughter – chasing after the ever-elusive approval of our mothers. Yearning for that moment when you’ll finally hear the words ‘I am proud of you’. When everything you’ve ever done will be enough. When YOU are enough.

Fortunately or unfortunately, our mothers are often our first critics. Most likely, they don't know that their words sting and embed themselves in the deepest parts of our souls. That the words said flippantly to the teen shaped how the adult perceived herself, shaped our sense of self. After all, they were brought up the same way, love in form of guidance that comes out as criticism. Understanding that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

If you're lucky, you'll realise early enough that it's more about them than it is about you. Otherwise, you will find yourself doing the things you think will appease her, swallow your dissent, shrink yourself until eventually you can't tell where her opinions end and yours begin. Then slowly but surely your frustration and discontent will rise until you reach your boiling point.

It took Yinka a total breakdown for her to realise she was no longer living her life for herself. For her to have an honest conversation with her mother. To express herself. I think we ought to borrow a page from Yinka’s story (minus breakdown) and have that hard conversation. It could be the start of building a healthier relationship with our mothers or parents, to understanding each other, to expressing our love in a kinder and affirming manner.  Alternatively, it might not make a difference to them, they might be set in their ways and see it as a non-issue, but you'll have said your piece, and you'll be free to build a healthier relationship with yourself. To love yourself.

I hope I have the courage to do as I say.

RECOMMENDATION

If you read and liked this book, try Maame by Jessica George next.

See you next time,

Zuwena.